We at UnBeAt were never in these bands. It could be that it's because there never were any such bands. If you know of a band with any of these names, they aren't the ones we were never in. Well, actually, I was never in the ones you know of, either, but they aren't the ones I am telling you about. That never existed. That I wasn't in.
We might have put the records out, if there were any. If you find them, please let us know. If you don't find them, please email us here and let us know where we can find them.
We offer the following for the rest of you, who are like us, only not as cool. If we were anything at all. Or if you were. But you're not, are you?
Back for more. Me and Khan were the only ones left standing, or at least the only ones who had forwarding addresses. We found some new guys we knew from back in the day. I can't really play drums and sing at the same time, at least not the way we're playing these days, so we use a drum machine for those tracks - I only play live on intrumentals. We're now the kind of band that would be really good at loading and carrying our gear if we were playing anyplace. We're the label house band, and we're playing at my house. We keep our heads down and don't talk onstage.
This record is hard to categorize, even though it's not really unusual in most ways. Its very agressive guitar music in a prog/psych/metal mode, but there are lyrical tracks both loud and quiet that really have more of an arty sensibility. Yet, the whole thing has a very consistent polished sound without seeming over-practiced: it is rehearsed, but rides right on the raw edge of performance. The lyrics are not overwhelming; they're actually quite minimal, the kind where the repetition of the words changes their meaning slightly. And despite their being fairly abstract, there are a couple long detailed passages read in a clear voice, not particularly in sync with the music: Ahab watchers may note some crypto shout-outs. I like this record. It has a very powerful and energetic core, but there's nothing dirty or evil about it, and something very personal instead. Listening to it I've had the feeling that I live in a parallel universe, and sometimes I can almost see through the dreamworld back to the real world, and strangely the real world isn't very much different, except that I drank a different beer, wore a different shirt, made a phone call to someone I don't know in this world. Which is funny, because this is one of those records I listen to and I don't hear or see us playing it, I just hear the music.
Tracks:
woodside faerie orchestra: dreamlight (NaN)
This is the second born spawn where the first should have been damned back beyond the cosmic seed. But like a furry bat-moth from heck, WFO is back for another round of mystery. This time, they (and we) were freshly re-incorporated like the mightiest CEO vampire. Their/our previous legal troubles behind us, this comeback record would have been "better" if anyone from the first one who could play had stuck around. god bless (the red crayola and all who sail with it), they didn't.
woodside faerie orchestra: s/t
We won't lie: we have no idea who did what. It's entirely cover songs, except that one that isn't, except a few of the musicians on that particular track were doing cover songs, just not the same one. This is not for you to like or not like. This is for all of us to accept as necessary and inevitable as a mountain, though poorly produced and not quite as impressive.
Since these were covers and we had no idea who did what, and we got some NastyGrams from the Mandarins of Orlando and other realms of the Dark Lord, so the record was forced out of existence. Of course, this would have happened on it's own (if you don't believe us, look at the quality of the cover art and ask yourself how many copies those mutants could move) in all likelihood. Regardless, we can't provide any leads on these records. Smoke 'em if you got 'em: alternately, look for and share the mp3s on your favorite hangout where dudes got parrots on their shoulders.
A recent side project. I'm not sure whether this is the same as previous stuff or different. It's a side project to the side of nothing. gabber-musik classic rock covers, totally sincere bowie covers, anthemic punk, rural route eavesdropping in 4'33" time, speed racer philosophy, and a whole lot of shit you're lucky you never heard. Ian provides his usual share, perhaps better than ever, though he never thought it would sound quite like this.
My first solo electronic experiments. There was a live performance (with some people I met a couple hours before the show) that I can't describe under advice from my lawyer. I don't know who invited Latex, or who messed with the coffee at the local HoJo's that night, or what the hell was put in the Ring Dings, but some questions are best left unanswered.
This was my first band. We never got through a single song without falling apart, actually, but we were known locally for our love of high quality hooch, and our inability to keep it to ourselves once suitably pasted. I never did learn how to play bass and sing at the same time, which was kind of limiting.
I spent 4 months convincing a few geeks to stop playing Dungeons and Dragons for a couple hours a week. Our first practice sounded a lot like Moltar and Zorak playing together. We ended up sounding like Devo having a robot war against a cab driver.
Obelisk: invisible godzilla porno
Shredded metal drone space rock. We mostly used drum machines, but we did have a drummer. I'm not sure I ever knew his name. He told me, actually, but even if I believed him (which I don't), I am not at all sure that he knew what he was telling me. We called him Freezer Burn because he would stick his head in the freezer all the time to cool down. It defrosted the stupid thing, which was good, because we could fit more vodka and shrooms inside. If anyone has his phone number (if he has a phone), please tell him we have a royalty check for $4.37 with his name on it. If he'll sign it over to me, I'll give him $10 in cash just to be rid of it.
This record was 51 minutes long. We were proud to have a vinyl release as long as Deep Purple's Fireball. But we called it an EP and there were only five songs. Two of them were under two minutes each, one track is about five minutes, one is about 10 minutes, and the other track is nearly 38 minutes long. That's the first track. I don't really remember what was on it, except that the waitress in the song heard about it and I can't go there anymore.
Gorilla Starz: Must have had fun last night
This was my most successful band. This was our first record. My most Steve Perry moments were recorded here. You may have heard that we opened for Loverboy once; it wasn't true and I wish I had never started that rumor. We made lovestruck teens weep with joy. Kids lost their virginity to this record. Cocaine was sniffed off its cover. No one offered me any, and I wasn't taking any. We were rocken it away.
Speed metal. Actually we devoted most of our time to selling black market copies of other bands music to support our glue habit. Wait, is glue the bitter white powder, or those little black pills? I can't remember. All I know is it left a funny taste. Anyway, all the other local speed metal bands only drank, except for a couple of the drummers, and they hated us. This record sold really well compared to most other bands I was in, but I don't know why and I don't think we deserved it. Or, ask yourself, "Who let the dogs out" and ask if it doesn't all make sense. Hint: it doesn't. We were a band for five weeks.
This final project is just me. It was a drum and bass record. I don't really know what drum'n'bass sounds like, but that's what my friend who heard my demo tape said it sounded like. I don't think I like drum'n'bass much, so I took my original mix and I'm using it as the sole source tape while remixing the record. So far, it still sounds like drum'n'bass, I think, but I also think it's better. It should be finished this time next year, if I can finish the new room I'm putting on the house. The new room is for my son to live in; I just can't afford to put out the new record until then [Ed - ok, house, room, WTF? Actual music?] I'll also put up clips from these previous bands while I'm mixing it, if I can find the records. If they still play. And I can figure out how to get them into my computer.
I also decided to make this a concept record. The concept is orange, which is the best color. But it's also about the Psychlotron. The Psychlotron translates audio into synesthesic video --- pictures of abstract shapes that move with the music. I have to mention that all your cute little screen savers and junk that do this kind of thing already are just childish scribbles compared to the real thing.
Curious? Read about the Psychlotron
This is my recent/current band. It's the most punk rock of the lot, which is kinda strange because Ian Braincase is back at the keyboard, only this time its moog and hammond b2, which mostly pisses people off but then again it makes enough sound that no one notices how often we screw up the rest of the song. Our frequent funkadelic covers appeal to those who hate us, and piss off those who love us: that's why we do them. We play for free beer at a local club whose manager has threatened me with severe consequences if I mention their name. I should have been in this band when I was 15, and I could have played punk rock pogo drums the way doG meant it to be, but now I have a few ways of faking it, as long as we play live and have shitty sound. For these and other reasons, I'm embarking on a new project, called orange
After the success of our first record, we followed it up quickly with music concrete make from the sounds of people squishing paint between their thighs mixed with open-air recordings of park bench conversations with UFO abductees. Real ones. That ended that band.
Anacharsis Clootz Experience: How Dy'a Like Me Now
This was a free-jazz/biker rock combo the likes of which the world has never seen. Never seen because there's no need for it, and it's an unwise idea by any measure. All I can say is this; don't play this record in public unless you are looking for unwelcome attention from strange looking people who don't bathe, but don't really smell either, or else you're sniffing ether out of undergarments, or trying to flag down a cab driver from Rigel 9. It reminds me why cowbells are a bad idea.
It was pretty hard to tell who was in this band at any given moment, however.
